a friend of mine recently began sleeping with a new fella. he is sweet and doting, one who cherishes the small intricacies, calling it "charm," and allows the strange womanly duality, the pull and tug of sweetness and PMS, to fall by the wayside. and, upon their first sexual transaction, he asks the very forward question of, "what do you like?"
although i picture an odd, sexual guru man, possibly with a gold chain and weird goatee, asking like a querulous sex servant, "what can i do for you this evening?" i suppose this is an innocent question. it may be well-meaning. however, this guy may lack some maturity and confidence in the bedroom, which provides the reason for this timorous surveying of likes and dislikes. but questionable expertise aside, this query, i feel, is very broad. so, let me break it down for all the bf/husband/gf/what-have-you readers.
1. No socks.
2. No power tools.
3. Feet at the end of the bed, far away from me.
4. Keep crying to a minimum, please.
5. No references to anything involving Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Sylvester Stallone, or Arnold Schwarzenegger. Let's not taint this with shitty movie lines. Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. are OK.
6. Do not call me "Mama." I'm not your "Mama."
7. No music from an American Idol contestant (sorry, Reuben).
8. Compliments welcome.
9. And please exit quietly when finished.
Feel free to provide your own!
10. Don't try too hard to talk dirty. I'll laugh at you.
ReplyDelete11. No small talk either.
12. Have a sense of humor.
very true. if some new trick doesn't work out, you just gotta laugh.
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