Monday, July 25, 2011

Get ready, it's a long one.

Hello, all.

I haven't written in a while, and I think it's because what's been weighing on my mind the most is what I don't want to talk about. I feel a heavy sadness. Graham doesn't understand how much he's hurt me, and has never fully apologized to me for it. I also deserve to give him a fat, "I told you so."

Here's the story:

Forever, I have felt as if there were three people in my and Graham's relationship. He and I, and this fugly chick named Mollie. They're old friends from high school, had an itsy-bitsy romance, she even used to be my friend, and well,...she texts him constantly. She sent an especially flirtatious message on New Year's Eve, saying,
"Where are you, little boy?"
To which he replied, in an equally flirtatious way, "Two Stick, little girl."

Nice. See blog entry: Crappy New Years! And if you read that entry, you'll see that I've tried so hard to give this girl the benefit of a doubt, put the issue to bed, be mature, and get the fuck over it.

I've always had my suspicions about this back-stabbing bee-yotch. When Graham and I FIRST began dating, she'd eye him at the bar and waddle her fat-ass up to him, and say:
"Hey stranger, where have YOU been?" in an unmistakably accusing tone.

And noooooo, my friends, he would never say something like, "Just hanging out with my GIRLFRIEND. I'll repeat it one more time: MY GIRLFRIEND. Speaking of MY GIRLFRIEND, she isn't that comfortable with you texting me all the time. You understand, right? It's a little inappropriate." That's TOO easy. Instead he's gonna let it continue for some reason. Maybe his ego? Maybe he's insecure just like Mollie and needs female reassurance? Maybe he's attracted to ugly girls.

Also: Why would a single gal incessantly text a guy who's taken? Even if that guy is your BEST friend (which she isn't, they just get drunk together), as a woman, you have to accept that a girlfriend comes first. The girlfriend is now the best friend. Sorry, that's just the web of life.

I only recently found THIS out, a few months ago, she finally came clean to Graham about her feelings for him. Over drunk text, of course. What a stupid bitch. And he gently turned her down, but he still continues to hang out with her. How pathetic and desperate is that. Like, literally, she is most unoriginal person I've ever met. The fact that Graham is friends with her forces me to question his intellect. She has maybe three areas of interest.

She's friends with my friend Ali. And here's a conversation after the bars closed:
MOLLIE: Hey, Ali. Call Jay Lang and see what he's doing.
(Ali calls)
ALI: He didn't answer. I guess he's with his GIRLFRIEND tonight.
MOLLIE: Oh, well. I guess I'll just go home then.

What a stupid girl. Her only objective in life is to hold on to a guy's attention long enough to get a ring on her finger. And it's sad to me that she uses Graham to make her life seem less sad and completely vapid.

Anyway, now that you have an idea of her lack of personality, I'll get to the issue. I have been so, so, SO honest, voiced so many, many times my insecurities. It's been going on for a YEAR now. It's continued so much longer than I should have allowed. They go drinking, she comes to his bar, she laughs too loud and requires makeup to be pretty. So, he hangs out with her despite all of my deepest wishes. Oh and this was all BEHIND MY BACK. I feel so disrespected and hurt. How do I continue a relationship with someone who is so careless with my feelings? Do you think this is a character flaw in Graham? Does he think can treat me in this egregious way. I'm tired of wasting my energy with this. So, I'm giving it one FINAL consideration. I told Graham that I need a few days to think. What's your opinion? I may be crazy, Graham certainly thinks so. Is this whole terrible and ongoing situation a deal-breaker? Can a man change? Is this emotional cheating?

thanks, have a goodly day.

1 comment:

  1. First of all: Damn straight, he needs a "I told you so."

    Second of all: I love you. But, at the risk of being the friend that puts it out there and looks like an idiot, maybe it's time to look this over. I think the world of you and what you can do. Is he holding you back? Can you not devote yourself to everything you want to do because you've got to think about Graham and when in the world your tracks will intersect again without doing something like giving up your ambitions to move to Cleveland, Mississippi?

    I want you to be happy. I want you to do what your heart desires. But [insert feminist hat here], I don't want you to do any of that on the basis of a boy. I believe in you so much more than that.

    Graham not telling you about Mollie seems sketch and I don't like it. But, what do I know about keeping a thriving relationship?

    What I do know is I would be jealous. I'd having a hard time trusting, which would bleed into other facets of the relationship. Not having that trust would make being in the relationship really, really hard.

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