GUYS! I just went through a TON of old letters from 2005-2007. Such strong, wonderful friendships. There was this palpable, abundance of love between all of us, such support and pride and pure, youthful goodness.

 A part of me wants to go back to that time. Is it too late? Has life thrown me too many punches for me to ever feel that sweet, sweet hope again? I really hope not. But, either way, that true goodness was in me ONCE! Just reading those letters lifted my low spirits off the ground and soaring.

 Today began as a bad day. One of the worst in awhile, but I guess it's up to me to pull myself from the pitty stupid doldrums. However, I'm in the most terrible time of my life right now. I'm waiting. Waiting waiting waiting. Waiting freaking sucks; it sucks more than the actual disappointment. And there is nowhere for me to go, and very few ways to distract myself. I have all these pressing worries, that I can't do anything to expedite because I'm waiting for OTHER people to get back to ME. What if they never do?

 I need to apologize to my sister, I've been a monster today. I don't mean to be, I 'm just stressed and have no outlets. I used to work out my frustrations at the gym or busy myself at work. Those are no longer my options, so now I dwell until very late at night. I can't sleep and I wake up at seven am every day, which only makes my boring, crappy days even longer.

 This must be what depression feels like. An overwhelming sadness, that cannot be ignored, I feel worthless. I feel crippled physically and crippled spiritually. And nothing can make me feel better. While I wasn't looking, Life punched me in face, really really hard. I feel broken.