It never ceases to amaze me the amount of drama and change I can bring in to my life. Things are difficult, let's have a fight! I am held up with a broken foot, trying to get my school shit figured out, aaand then I find myself fighting with my boyfriend, who less than a week ago lit up my world by coming to visit my crippled self. I don't know if this is a problem that can be simply fixed. I miss the days of just say, "I'm sorry" could work as a feasible solution. But I guess it doesn't hurt to try. I make mistakes, I'm no perfect person, but I do have my whole life to learn. I don't like conflict, but sometimes I look for it to find the answers. I do something, and then wait and watch the reaction, like a little, stupid relationship scientist. I'm moving soon. My world is shifting to another place, another phase. I'm ready to reclaim my independence and maybe, possibly grow personally through the hardship. I'll be a crippled girl in a new town, with no idea what to expect. There will be moments of loneliness and times of gladness and fullness. I hope that I am able to truly breathe deeply and feel the fullness of my life. Feel, explore, and experience the change within myself, as I immerse myself in this education and the true beginning of my real career. Last night, I was trying to think of some event in my childhood that makes me so scared of being vulnerable. Why I feel like I need to protect myself all the time. Why I have this heavy mistrust of men. Maybe its something my parents displaced on to me.