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I want to do something great. I want to bring people together for a common purpose, a masterful goal of uniting and thriving and working together and finding a "way." I know it's vague and far from simple, but I'm a fool. And fool-hardy. However, I'm also often afraid and selfish, but I've been working on getting myself out of myself. It's true, that when searching for something...vehemently searching and wondering and wandering, you get so wrapped up in the search, darting eyes, sweaty foreheads, and your (my) impatience and looking around at everyone else and "what're they doing?" "why'd they get that?" "where are they now?" the whole thing's lost.

I have to look inward, while also paying attention. I have to absorb and learn. Be a sponge to others, while also acknowledge that I'm a sponge. I'm just a sponge and everyone's sponges. How cool is that? What a concept. We are all just knocking around and bumping into each other in this expansive yet entirely tiny planet.

It's really neat that I've spent 25 years with myself now. Am I tired of me? No. Because there's always more to learn. More to understand further. We are so infinitely complex. How divine, the crazed, pulsing neuro-circuitry. Then, we MEET someone. And we want to know all about their wiring AND all about their physicality. We accept the darkness. We even learn to love the darkness. And that's true love. 

That's more than empty passivity, an "Oh. Wow. That sucks for you."

It's, "My God. You strong and incredible thing. LOOK at you. Just look at you. Look at you." 

It's loving them more because it's honest. They're real. They know hurt and tears and want you to know their hurt and tears. They are reaching out for you to understand them more. Testing the depth of love. What can she/he endure? Will he/she love me despite my alcoholic parents? I need for he/she to know before we go further, because I cannot endure it otherwise.