As I'm procrastinating on taking a Sucide Risk Training, I'm realizing how real everything is becoming. I'm going to be interning at a facility for women this week. I am entering a new, shaky relationship with a wonderful boy, who breaks me open once a week. I feel like getting raw with people. I feel homesick for the easy life. I miss my Mom. I even miss my sister, who perches herself quietly, right on the edge of coming close to us. She wants to be there, but not be us...not quite yet.

I'm really, actually creating a home now. I have friends now. Real friends, who've seen me through  some shit and will likely see much more. They are friends that I may get frustrated with, but I get over it and see and be with them regardless, because I'm necessary to them.  And it's hard for me to reach out to people, to extend my care to them. I have such a rough exterior, I preach finding strength in yourself, but that whole concept, although great, is not, in its heart, friendship. I should see my friends as sisters, as a imperative community of necessary people. They are not expendable, and somtimes I make that mistake, due to my stubborn no-obligation lifestyle. I know that I too often try to give advice, based on my experience and what little wisdom I may have in certain, miniscule areas, but I should be basing my advice on THEIR experience. It's not that revolutationary. It's truly meeting them where they are. Reaching across the expanse of our lives, and touching them.