...and when did it become so difficult for me to even sit down and write words, for that matter?
True, I'm at the Green Hills library. I had no intention of writing words and sentences, but here I sit. Doing it. Giving this life its life. I purged last night...of social media apps. I've not ventured onto any site, where others are sitting back, observing, and judging. Question: what's worse than being judged?
Answer: Not being judged. Not being acknowledged by anyone. Irrelevancy.
This becomes our culture. Our lives are at stake for attention from strangers. And that's a terrifying prospect. Our lives being lived through the lives of others who neither truly know nor truly care for us.
Anyway. It's a temporary boycott. A "cleanse" of this culture of squinting eyes and stolen glances. So, I'm using this basically anonymous blog as an outlet for a small but strong voice. Not many still check up or write on theirs. Xanga's become a piece of history and memory, erased from the boundless blackboard of the Internet. It feels good writing to no one, for a change. There's no audience or special person to impress, or scene to create or filter to brighten or shade.
Now. On to my favorite topic: myself.
I think I'm going to really enjoy my new job. It's fun and thought-provoking and confusing and interactive, with a vigorous combination of teamwork, clinical skills, and argument. I love it so far. Though the cumbersome part has yet to begin- the files and files of paperwork. The pre-cert rejections that are fated upon me. Bad days will be. I hope I accept them with patience and hope for better tomorrows.
Gnight all my wanderers. Love.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Saturday, August 15, 2015
I swear I'm not a Jesus freak.
I don't talk about religion a whole lot with certain friends that aren't or haven't come to it yet. I know it's sensitive, maybe uncomfortable for some. It tends to stir up fears of death and all those lonely existential questions, but that's okay. Being human, I think we all share in that. So, why not explore these beliefs and fears together. I certainly don't claim to have any answers, this is merely connecting the countless dots and attempting to enlighten myself.
My bible study is requiring that we journal along with the book/workbook. I enjoy writing, but the physical act of pen-to-paper hampers me creatively, because I get lazy with my words, so I'll attempt to blog along instead.
The first four chapters of our book, Restless, focuses on the writer's restlessness in her soul. God's tugging at her spirit to do something. I'm also reading a Reflection on a Course in Miracles right now, and it looks at the same type of soulful restlessness, God's nudging at us to be our essence. God has already made us into exactly who we are supposed to be; He knows this because he created you. He made you for a reason, and even gave you the Holy Spirit as a wonderful, loving lifeline between your heart and God, himself. There's goodness there, always, in the beginning. In our essence, in our childlike purity, holiness lives there. Where there is holiness, there is also a sense of peace. Spiritual peace produces the physical feeling of rest. Now, rest may sometimes look passive, but it's not. It's considered an "active nonresistance." A surrender to God. A surrender of all our control to God.
Sometimes we learn by direct experience. This often results in mistakes, thankfully and hopefully we can learn from those too. Another way to learn is to sit back and observe first, to rest and then seek out knowledge by asking questions, then processing the answers received (because we don't have to accept those answers as truth; they are simply one person's answer).
The Zen Buddhist advises to create a life that's like an empty rice bowl, waiting to be filled. As long as we are empty, we can be filled. You must empty out though, so rest is imperative to experience. Similarly, only a person who is hurt can be healed. A person who understands pain has experienced pain and can then help others with pain. And in helping others, that person heals from his or her pain. Life can be beautiful in this way, this perpetual healing cycle of sharing and openness. However, always first, we must seek out and find rest with ourselves.
Christianity speaks in a similar way as the Buddhist, saying "go to God like the child." Children know what they do not know. They greet life like empty vessels, waiting to be filled with knowledge and experience. They are persistent in asking questions. They want to know everything. This is wisdom! Children are such wise souls!
A fool pretends to know something. A wise person asks (meaningful) questions. Unpretending, accepting of the knowledge he/she has or doesn't have.
My bible study is requiring that we journal along with the book/workbook. I enjoy writing, but the physical act of pen-to-paper hampers me creatively, because I get lazy with my words, so I'll attempt to blog along instead.
The first four chapters of our book, Restless, focuses on the writer's restlessness in her soul. God's tugging at her spirit to do something. I'm also reading a Reflection on a Course in Miracles right now, and it looks at the same type of soulful restlessness, God's nudging at us to be our essence. God has already made us into exactly who we are supposed to be; He knows this because he created you. He made you for a reason, and even gave you the Holy Spirit as a wonderful, loving lifeline between your heart and God, himself. There's goodness there, always, in the beginning. In our essence, in our childlike purity, holiness lives there. Where there is holiness, there is also a sense of peace. Spiritual peace produces the physical feeling of rest. Now, rest may sometimes look passive, but it's not. It's considered an "active nonresistance." A surrender to God. A surrender of all our control to God.
Sometimes we learn by direct experience. This often results in mistakes, thankfully and hopefully we can learn from those too. Another way to learn is to sit back and observe first, to rest and then seek out knowledge by asking questions, then processing the answers received (because we don't have to accept those answers as truth; they are simply one person's answer).
The Zen Buddhist advises to create a life that's like an empty rice bowl, waiting to be filled. As long as we are empty, we can be filled. You must empty out though, so rest is imperative to experience. Similarly, only a person who is hurt can be healed. A person who understands pain has experienced pain and can then help others with pain. And in helping others, that person heals from his or her pain. Life can be beautiful in this way, this perpetual healing cycle of sharing and openness. However, always first, we must seek out and find rest with ourselves.
Christianity speaks in a similar way as the Buddhist, saying "go to God like the child." Children know what they do not know. They greet life like empty vessels, waiting to be filled with knowledge and experience. They are persistent in asking questions. They want to know everything. This is wisdom! Children are such wise souls!
A fool pretends to know something. A wise person asks (meaningful) questions. Unpretending, accepting of the knowledge he/she has or doesn't have.
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