It’s a break-up, ladies and gentlemen. I guess you could
call or consider it that. I hate being the one to pull the cord on a
relationship. It goes against every fiber of who I am. I’m always willing to
fight for someone I love, to put everything and every part of my heart at risk.
And we took a risk. A big one, being friends. I’m still trying to figure out if
that risk was worth it. In every relationship, I just tear it to pieces. I bust
it on the ground. This precious, precious beautiful relationship- like a damn baby that I just wanna cuddle and kiss and coo all day and night. So pure and wonderful
and doting and obsessive. I rot it out. I sabotage it. I fuck it up. I jam a stick of dynamite up its ass and light the fuse. And then stand back and watch the quick flash of fire and then the slow burn.What the fuck is wrong with me. Or is
it the men I choose? These inexplicable projects, and challenges that I accept and
try to make fit with me. Why do I even try anymore? I know the outcome
already. Brad and I were both doing just dandy before we decided to get
together. We were living our lives, separately but as friends. And then, we
took something good and simple and easy, and somehow adding feelings and
emotions and love to it, made it combust? How? How does loving someone more
create such chaos? We added something good to something good. Shouldn't that make it better?
Yes. However, as something gets better and better, I guess there's more and more to potentially lose. People get scared when their vulnerability and trust is on the line and they start prepping for a battle that may not even be there. They are in peaceful territory with AK-47s locked and loaded. We buckled under the heavy and serious challenge of loving each other and having a life together. It was too difficult, or we weren't brave enough to say, "Let's put it all on the line. Breaking up will never be the option again." We were too reckless with it and with each other's hearts. And now we are left with the shards of a relationship, lying limp and dead on the pavement. What do we do with what remains? How do we grow and learn from so much sadness and disappointment and hurt? How do we overcome? What we were so scared of happening...happened. We were so afraid of the idea of losing each other that we forced to happen. We pushed ourselves off a cliff with hands held, and now we are at the bottom, broken apart, and I'm left here alone crying in my cubicle.
Yes. However, as something gets better and better, I guess there's more and more to potentially lose. People get scared when their vulnerability and trust is on the line and they start prepping for a battle that may not even be there. They are in peaceful territory with AK-47s locked and loaded. We buckled under the heavy and serious challenge of loving each other and having a life together. It was too difficult, or we weren't brave enough to say, "Let's put it all on the line. Breaking up will never be the option again." We were too reckless with it and with each other's hearts. And now we are left with the shards of a relationship, lying limp and dead on the pavement. What do we do with what remains? How do we grow and learn from so much sadness and disappointment and hurt? How do we overcome? What we were so scared of happening...happened. We were so afraid of the idea of losing each other that we forced to happen. We pushed ourselves off a cliff with hands held, and now we are at the bottom, broken apart, and I'm left here alone crying in my cubicle.
