This weekend was like something out of a confusing movie, where there's plot turn after plot turn, and you're bewildered as hell, and everyone else is running about twenty feet behind you, yelling at you to keep going, keep going, keep going. So you do. You keep going. I kept going.
Now, it's Tuesday. And I thought it was Monday all day. I can't believe I've made it to the end of Tuesday. I'm a long processer, internalizing an experience and then laying it flat like a road map, unfolded, while I peer at it, squinting, to figure out where I took the wrong turn. However, it's not that simple. It wasn't one wrong turn or one bad decision, but about a zillion wrong feelings, urges that needed squashing, and patience lost completely.
Well, hm. Actually. Maybe with every thought that enters your mind, it comes with two decisions, two sidebars, two tree branches. You either act on the thought or you don't act on it. Maybe it is actually pretty simple, and I'm just too blind to want what's best for me.
But beneath that thought, before any action is ever taken, there's emotion that lives under the thought. It wakes the thought into life. Sometimes it's a soft, gentle, little voice that whispers, "Hey, check it out- this is affection. This is infatuation." Other times, emotion bangs on your heart like a gong, "You freakin' LOVE this person. HURRY UP." Both of these emotions feel so real, but how reliable are they? What does someone do with them? Do we believe our emotions?
