Part of incorporating these postcards into my weekly routine, I also wanted to engage in some writing practice, regarding this project.
Valentine's Day is such a weighty holiday, it's almost as catastrophically wonderful or terrible as NYE, but way worse. Since on NYE, you can choose to stay in that night. Valentine's Day is all around, commercially- INYOURFACE, with aisles dedicated to the color pink, stuffed animals, chocolate candies, and big-ass hearts.
This Val Day, I'm focusing on the path to self-love. Lately, I've been casting a lot of doubts upon myself, leading me to ask questions regarding my relationships, my friendship, my family, career, and how I choose to spend my down time. Generally, I'm happy and satisfied with my life, but how can I take it up a notch? I feel such fear of neutrality, compliance, domesticity. Deep down, I fear boredom. I fear being boring, not mattering, just background noise to a bigger, more interesting movie that's playing at the forefront.
BUT. How exhausting is it to feel the need to entertain someone? How sad for me to feel like me, in my down time, my neutral moments, cannot possible be lovable or cherished? Doesn't everyone need to recharge and rest? I would like to become more relaxed in the silences, in the moments of boredom, and lean into the domestic tranquility of boredom. And learn to breathe it in and discover the love in the boredom. The moments when he's sleeping in my lap. Ordering pizza. And then watching a flash flood wash through your neighborhood streets.
I watched the Mr. Roger's documentary, and he was so accepting of silence. So, comfortable with listening and appreciating everyone for exactly who they are, in that moment. He appreciated the boredom, but loved the world for it. He moved slow, talked slow, got himself comfortable. I have to learn to appreciate both the boredom and the flash floods, as equally important phenomena in this beautiful life, where there is always the space to learn more, become greater without having to perform a show or discover a new element.
